Bloodlust
by feisty.red.head
Summary: Bella was changed that day at La Push by none other then Victoria. Before she could leap off the cliff, her life ended, and her existence as a Vampire began. Can she battle her bloodlust, and her even more powerful craving for a specific Cullen?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys, this is just a drabbling in my head, the result of reading the Twilight saga one too many times. I'm not sure if I want to make this into a whole story, tell me what you think... **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to Stephanie Meyer. But I would like to borrow that Edward Cullen for a few minutes...er hours...ok, days. But don't tell her that, we have a strict agreement...ok, restraining order. My lawyer says I'm not allowed to talk about it.**

I can't help it, I like sparkly things. They dazzle me.

* * *

_It was not hard to convince myself that I didn't have time to search for another way—I wanted to jump from the top. This was the image that was lingering in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.  
_

_I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away..._

_The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther then before, when I was on the path with the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me. (New Moon, 357-358)_

_  
_I exhaled, knowing the voice was only moments away, a small smile caressing my lips despite the pang of fear that was rippling though my body. Closing my eyes, I focused on the fear, as that was what seemed to bring the lovely, velvet voice to fruition in my delusional head. But nothing happened, so I took a small step forward, bringing me to the threshold of the cliff, one more step, and I would be flying through the air. A familiar rush of adrenaline coursed in my veins, and my hair was standing on end. For a fraction of a second, I toyed with the idea of just heading back to Billy's house, heading towards safety...towards Jacob. But as soon as the thought touched my mind, my entire body screamed "_NO!"_ In protest, needing my sick addiction to the beautiful voice.

I had made my choice. The hard part now was just doing it.

I scooted my left foot forward ever so slightly. I watched the mud, and wet dirt corrode the bottom of my shoe as I slid it forward. My heart speed increased ten fold as my toe hung over the edge. My hands clenched into fists, my knuckles were screaming in protest and my nails were digging in to the palms of my hand, but I paid this no mind, the voice would come. I knew it would.

"Bella, you promised."

I smiled and exhaled. He sounded so real, so close. He once told me that I was like his brand of heroin, but here I was, the junkie, needing my fix of his angel like face, his velvet voice. And apparently I would go to any dangerous lengths that Forks and La Push could offer, just to hear it.

And I didn't regret it. It was the most beautiful sound in the world; I would gladly give my life just to hear it whisper that it loved me again. Just once more. Surely the pain of death would be nothing compared to those first few weeks without him. But I wasn't suicidal, not right now anyway.

"Bella, don't be childish." The voice scolded. This only pulled the smile on my lips up even further. My eyes flickered shut, holding on to the voice. God, there was nothing like it. "Bella, go home. Go home to Charlie." It demanded, the false calmness dissolved, leaving only fury. My eyes snapped open. Charlie, yes. How could I forget about him? But I would go home, and I would be safe. Once I jumped off this cliff. My other foot scooted forward now; both toes were hanging off the edge. I was trying to stall for as long as I could, just to hear his voice once more. Without thinking, I looked down.

The waves were crashing in angry slams against the eroded cliff. The sea seemed eager to have me, its arms reaching out for one that it knew it could destroy. I would surely be an easy prey, like a wounded gazelle to a ravenous lion.

The voice growled in warning.

"Hello, Bella." Another voice said, catching me by surprise. This one was just as beautiful as the last, only soprano, and with a menacing undercurrent. Only it was closer, a few paces behind me to be exact. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was, because I knew what I would find. An unnaturally beautiful face, twisted into a grimace that vaguely resembled a smile. A perfect, slender body that would render any man, anywhere helpless. And finally, a head full of chaotic flaming red hair, which rippled gracefully through the breeze.

Victoria had finally found me.

The fear that I had felt in my body previously for the cliffs seemed minuscule now, as a new kind of fear gnawed and tore at the pit of my stomach. The fear of immanent, inescapable death. I knew at that moment, it was over. I would suffer the worst kind of pain imaginable, and when I could take no more, only when I was begging for death, would she grant me my wish.

I heard an exquisite snarl in my head, jogging me back to reality. A montage of images flashed though my head. Charlie, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice...Edward. _My Edward._ I was positive that my heart was about to burst through my chest at any moment, if that happened, maybe it would make Victoria's job that much easier.

"It's lovely to see you again." She said in a voice that was beautiful, but so sickeningly sweet that I felt nauseous. Then again, maybe that was just the physical reaction I had to knowing my own death was coming. I finally turned around to face her, and my heart stopped altogether. She smiled even wider, hearing the involuntary sounds that my body was making.

"Bella—" His beautiful voice said in a strangled whisper. It too seemed to know that this was the end.

"Hello, Victoria." I said, my voice quivering as the hole in my chest flared achingly at the sound of pain in his voice.

"You look well." She said, her smile turning even more menacing. This time, the smile reached her eyes. _Her eyes._ They were black with thirst. Black as coal. Black as her deadened heart. The only spark of color in them was the slight tint of crimson that traced the edges of her irises. It was like my own personal countdown clock, I watched my seconds on Earth tick away as the red turned to black steadily. When she could no longer resist the urge to kill, maim, shatter her eyes would be completely black with thirst.

"You look hungry." I said, my voice now taking on a numb quality as I watched the red disappear.

"Oh, I am." She said, tilting her head up in the slightest to sniff the air, that was pungent with that salt water. But I was sure she was smelling something much more tantalizing to her bloodlust. "You see, I've been waiting for months to feed. It was almost too much at first, I almost gave in, but when a Vampire _really _wants something. They will get it... Eventually."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Edward's smooth voice whispered frantically in my mind. His name yet again broke through my carefully constructed wall. My breath hitched and I sputtered slightly.

"So, what?" I whispered, ignoring my heart thumping erratically in my chest. "You're going to kill me now?" I said, my voice growing stronger as I tried to assemble a brave face. The look amused look on hers only told me that I was failing miserably.

"In a sense..." She said, examining her fingernails. "You see, Sweetheart, this has nothing to do with you...Well, I suppose it sort of does." She added thoughtfully, keeping her sickeningly sweet smile in place. "What I really want, _need_ actually, is to get back at your Edward for what he did to my James." At the mention of his name I flinched and I heard a low hiss escape her lips. "Now, yes, hurting you would cause him great pain, I'm sure, but the one thing that would destroy him? The one thing that made him leave you in the first place alone, and unprotected, except by a few teenage _Werewolves_—" She practically spat the word, "—would be if I took your life."

I didn't understand, wasn't she talking about the same thing? Taking my life and hurting me? Hurting..._Edward_ I forced myself to think. If she killed me, wouldn't that be the worst thing she could possibly do to him, and me? But my blood turned icy as I realized what she meant.

She didn't want to just kill me, she wanted to _turn _me. Part of me wanted to smile at this ironic twist of events, a few months ago, I would have given anything –more specifically my life—to become an immortal. Now here I was, on the brink of death, dreading most what I had previously desired. I didn't want to face eternity without Edward; there was no point to it. Why would I want countless eons, years of beauty and physical perfection if Edward didn't want _me_? The other part of my brain, the more rational part was for lack of a better word, screaming.

She crouched, and took a step forward, and I took an involuntary step back not remembering that I was on the threshold of the cliff. I waved my arms furiously trying to regain my balance, my foot searched for the safety of the cliffs edge. Eventually, my foot found solid ground. My head spun quickly seeing two options. One, I could let Victoria have me without a fight. It would be the easiest, no doubt involving the least physical amount of pain. Well, for a few moments anyway. And two, I could jump; give myself a chance at getting away. I looked at the vicious currents and wondered how long it would take my clumsy and breakable body to drown in its icy depths. Victoria seemed to notice my deliberation, and crouched lower.

"Don't even think about it." She snarled, letting go of the sweet façade. Her face looked positively animalistic now, her feline like features looking more dominant then ever on her still radiantly beautiful face. "I can swim better and faster then you on your best day." She snarled, the black in her eyes becoming more pronounced then ever. It was close...it would be over soon. A small fraction of my mind hoped that it would come soon; I was tired of fighting everything.

"All right. You win." I said taking a step towards her, but my comment was directed at fate. It had been out to get me ever since I'd met Edward.

_Edward. _

The gigantic hole in my chest was as raw and bloody as it had been since the day he left. A breeze came from behind me and blew a few strands of hair around my face, and I could almost feel it stab a literal hole where my heart used to be.

Victoria's head cocked to the side at my choice of words, but she was distracted by the sudden change in the wind that blew my scent towards her. She closed her eyes and relished the smell that would soon be hers. Without opening them she said "you smell so good in the rain."

A hysterical peal of laughter almost emerged from my lips. I had heard that exact sentence in a previous lifetime, a happier one from someone who had once said he loved me.

_Edward. _

My mind whispered again, seeking his comfort. But the voice was strangely silent. Victoria's eyes snapped open to reveal solid black eyes; the crimson was only a memory now. She took a step forward.

_Edward, Edward, Edward. _I thought frantically, imagining his perfect face in my last few moments, just as I had in the meadow. Months of carefully blocking him out had done nothing to alter or make me forget his angelic features.

Victoria took one more step forward. I could hear my last few seconds passing.

_Tick, tick, tick, tick..._

I inhaled, remembering everything that I was leaving behind. Charlie...Jacob. I should never have hurt either one of them. Ever. I loved them so much, so very much. I hoped they knew that.

_Tick, tick, tick, tick...  
_  
Renee. Oh God, Renee. At least she had Phil; he would get her through this. She would be ok.

_Tick...tick...tick...time's up.  
_

Her grin widened, -if that was possible- into a feral snarl that bared her upper teeth. She crouched, ready to pounce, a growl low in her throat.

I sighed, before I could blink or even realize what had just happened, Victoria was behind me, waiting for the kill. Her frigid lips caressed my neck, so gently that if I hadn't known otherwise, I would have thought she was kissing me. She inhaled, taking in my living, human, scent for one last time. I could swear I almost heard the venom pooling in her mouth as it prepared itself to have me.

I closed my eyes, as my mind settled on one final image.

_Edward._ _  
_

There was no greater perfection, nothing more heavenly in the universe that could even compare to him. His face was clear in my mind. He was smiling his beautiful crooked smile. The one he saved for me. My smile. I too, smiled in response seeing the sheer happiness that was on his face.

The cold lips on my neck parted. With a sickening squelch, Victoria's teeth sank into my soft, fleshy throat. She exhaled deeply, the cold air from her nose tickling my neck. I instantly felt weaker, and I had a hard time supporting my weight. Her arm snaked around my waist supporting my weight as she drank more deeply. My eyes fluttered to a close, still holding the image of Edward. Perfect, flawless, God-like Edward.

It was near, almost over now, I could feel it.

"I love you, my Bella." Edward's voice said sadly in my head, acknowledging defeat.

"Edward," I breathed, feeling the life drain from me. "I love you." I whispered weakly. There was a quiet, sweet chuckle from behind me at my choice of dying words. Then, all was black.

And I welcomed it.

* * *

**A/N:...Again...**

**Ok so once upon a time, there was a lonely purple button at the bottom left of this page. It wanted so desperately to be pushed, specifically, the review button.**

**Will you help the purple review button? All it wants is a moment of your time.**

**A Message From the Purple Button Make A Wish Foundation**


	2. The Flame

**A/N: **You want a story you say? Your wish, my command.

* * *

It was annoyingly quiet. The silence was pressing against my ears, pounding irritatingly on my eardrums, attempting to jump start them into action. But there was nothing, only silence. _This...isn't so bad_...I thought to myself. Victoria finished rather quickly, getting her revenge, now the –wince—Cullen's would be safe from her and her stupid vendetta.

I knew what kind of pain to expect from my encounter with James. There would be an intense burning sensation throughout my entire body. If that was all, then I could handle it, as long as Charlie and Jacob never had to see the vindictive redheaded Vampire again. My thoughts had been distracting me from a slight tingling sensation in my neck approximately where Victoria's venom had first entered my body and rendered me almost paralyzed. That was where I was now, paralyzed and helpless lying on a cliff. What else is new? The word "helpless" seemed to be synonymous with the name "Bella." God help anyone else with that unfortunate first name within a thousand miles of me.

I wondered briefly if Victoria had moved me from my spot on the cliff, but I couldn't be sure. How had she gotten past the wolves? If any of them were hurt...I could never forgive myself, and I wouldn't blame them if they didn't forgive me. I was, after all a danger magnet. And I honestly didn't believe that would change whether my heart was beating or not.

That was about when the burning began.

At first, there was mild warmth around my neck, like holding a candle that had been snuffed out a few minutes prior. Within a few moments, it was spreading down my right arm, extending into my fingertips with fervor. The searing poison in my bloodstream doubled its scorching heat in my neck and arms by the time it reached my right foot. I wanted desperately to scream, to release myself of a fraction of this agony if only for a moment. But what good would screaming do? Give Victoria more pleasure? If the pack had miraculously found me, then it would hurt Jacob that much more to know I was in such agony. Writhing in pain was out of the question, movement would only flare the inescapable heat.

So I lay there, refusing to scream, being burned alive.

I was positive that my skin was charred and I was more likely to resemble a charcoal briquette rather then an illustrious Vampire. I was glad I had chosen –or maybe it had been chosen for me—not to move, because I felt that the slightest movement would turn me into a puff of charred, black dust. The searing heat was throughout my body now, it's horrid grips had worked its way past my torso and into my entire left side.

For the first time ever, I could honestly say that I wanted to die. Anything had to be better then this agony, this...nightmare that I was in. It couldn't be real, this kind of torture was surely saved for people who had done far worse then I had. _Oh, _I thought to myself and almost flinched at the sound of my voice --luckily I didn't—_am I in Hell?_ This thought shocked me at first. It seemed fitting; I had always seen people burning alive in pictures that were supposed to resemble Hell. I had never personally believed that any kind of deity existed before, but if Hell was real, and I was here, I deserved it. I had been putting my family and friends in danger for so long. For an insane moment, I questioned what section the murderers and rapists would be in. What would their punishment be? If all I had done was put people in danger...I couldn't imagine what was happening to them.

And what about the Vampires? Where were they? I resolved that if the burning ever subsided, I would ask someone.

--Wait? Ask for directions...in Hell? Ah, I guess people were right. I really am crazy.

I finally grew bored with my idle thoughts and tried not to focus on the pain. This was futile, because pain at this moment was all I knew. I was in the middle of a red hot fire, my skin, my organs; everything within me knew only pain. That was all that ever existed for me, and all there ever would be. I couldn't even remember if I was still breathing, but it didn't really matter. The sooner I was dead, the better.

The seconds ticked by, each one bringing me a new wave of agony I had never known existed. Soon, I felt like it was in a timeless bubble, minutes and hours blending into one to create an altogether different kind irritation. How much time had passed? How much longer would I be burning? Had I been here for ten minutes? An hour? A decade?

I wanted to scream with frustration, counting had made the matter worse. I went up to 10,374 without stopping; still the pain had not lessened.

And so I waited.

An eternity later, I could hear the first sounds of my new existence. It was, soft to say the least. It was the sound of the forest. There were birds singing, I could hear the muted pattering of rabbits feet somewhere nearby. It was raining, heavily. And nearby, a dear made a snuffing sound I had never heard before. It was an odd sensation, almost as if I knew _exactly_ where there was a wounded elk about five miles north of here, he was drinking sloppily from a stream. I could almost see with my ears, it was strange, yet oddly empowering. It felt like someone had removed cotton from my ears, and I could hear, _really_ hear for the first time.

I could also hear the sound of my slow, but steady heart beating rhythmically; it would have lulled me to sleep if I wasn't so anxious...and dead.

There were other sounds too, but none of them supernatural enough for me to worry. I didn't want anyone crossing Victoria's path, and unknowingly becoming her mid-day snack.

Ok, so...maybe I wasn't in Hell after all. I mean, Hell couldn't sound this pretty.

So if I wasn't in Hell, and I was starting to hear things, then...I was close. I was almost a...a _Vampire_ now. It was difficult for me to think the word. A day or two, maybe a few hours and I would be immortal, beautiful beyond compare...and a bloodthirsty monster.

The minute I could move, I would feed on an animal. I was determined not to hurt anyone. I would stay away from Charlie for a few weeks...and still probably thirst for his blood. If I could have sighed, I would have. What was he thinking right now? His daughter had disappeared –again—and now, she was deadly beyond his wildest dreams. I vowed I would make it up to him, somehow.

The pain, although intense and still torturous, was lessening. The heat in my neck was dulling, and I instantly became hopeful. _Not much longer_ became my new mantra, and I chanted it relentlessly.

The sounds of the forest continued, but I was hearing a new sound now. It was the sound of four—eight—twelve feet running simultaneously. I was positive it was the wolves, although which ones I wasn't sure of. One was in the lead, with one on each side, flanking their leader. It was most likely Sam, Jacob and Paul or Embry. As they approached, I could hear their panting, not as heavy as it should have been considering the speed of their running, but faster then humans nonetheless. Ok, so the wolves were close...where was Victoria? Had they destroyed her? What if she ambushed them? I desperately hoped they didn't get hurt.

Did they come to destroy me? _No...Jacob wouldn't allow that...would he?_

They were close now, and if my body had complied with my emotions, then I would have been drenched in a cold sweat. The running paws had stopped now, and the canine panting had been replaced with slow, anxious breathing. Someone was bending over me. Two others were about 15 feet away, close enough that if I decided to attack, they could destroy me easily.

I felt an unnaturally warm hand on mine. This was extremely unpleasant due to the searing heat in my hand and fingers. But it still felt good, that contact with someone. Someone who actually wanted to touch me. _Jacob. My Jacob._

"She's cold." He whispered almost silently. I had no trouble hearing it, however and I highly doubted that the other two did. His voice was dripping with agony, he sounded much like I felt. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered. He sounded near tears, and I longed to touch him in response. To hold him and comfort him, to tell him that it was all right. That I was all right, that everything would be fine, and we would be best friends again in no time. But my body did not respond, and all I could do was lay there, hearing his apologies, and wanting to beg him to accept my own.

A new hole was being carved in my chest, it hurt, but it was a different kind of pain then the burning that my body was inflicted with. My heart ached, and I was worried that I had finally lost him. That he wouldn't want to be near me when I woke up a demon. I wouldn't blame him though; it would be smarter of him to stay away from me. The new hole flared achingly, hoping my thoughts would not hold true when I woke.

"I'm so sorry." He murmured once more. I wished I was dead again, but not because of the burning. I couldn't bear to hear him so miserable, and to know that I had caused that misery.

_No, Jacob. I'm sorry._

I don't know how long he was there, I was sure he had cried at one point, and his pack let him grieve in silence. Soon there were more there, probably strengthening their defenses so that they could destroy me the second I was awake. I would be no contest against their razor sharp teeth, but it wouldn't matter anyway, I wasn't going to put up a fight. I stopped counting after the three boys, I really didn't care anymore. All that mattered was that the pain I had inflicted everyone with would be over soon. I would be over soon, and that was a relief.

I was wrong before about how the burning was more painful then hearing Jacob's voice. His sorrow was worse, so much worse. I would gladly burn again to spare him this despair that I had caused.

"It's almost over." A new voice said in a calm and peaceful tone. "Do you hear her heart?" Sam asked Jake in a serene voice.

I hadn't really been paying attention to my body anymore; I was too busy trying to will myself into death. But now that it was brought to my attention, I could hear it. It was...racing. Was that normal? I had never heard a heart beat this quickly, I was like a hummingbirds wings, racing toward nectar. But it gradually slowed, at one point it sounded like a normal human heartbeat, but that did not pacify me. Cardiac Arrest sounded pretty good right about now.

The venom was concentrated in my heart now, I could feel it. It was unlike the other burning. More intense, much more intense. It was as if all of the venom had be sucked violently out of my limbs and pumped straight into the four chambers of my unnaturally slow heart. I had never been all that proficient in biology, but I could have sworn I heard the blood stop flowing through my...aorta?

The beating was slow, far, far too slow to support a living being. It slowed to almost one beat every ten seconds. Then one beat every minute, then finally after what seemed like an eternity, my heart gave its last, weak thump.

My transformation was complete. I was officially a monster, a monster made of stone, and thirst.

I didn't want to open my eyes yet, fearing the moment I did, would be the last time I would see Jacob's tear streaked face leaning over mine. I didn't want to remember –or whatever—him like that. I wanted him to always be my sun. I wanted him to shine brightly for me whenever called upon. I wanted to see his smiling face, mask free and completely happy once again. Like it used to be in his garage. If I opened my eyes now, his face would shatter my blissful illusion of him. I couldn't allow that.

"B-Bella?" His shaky voice asked tentatively.

Oh God, his voice was so sad. It broke my stone cold heart.

"Bella, are you... –with me?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" I demanded, keeping my eyes closed. "Of course I am." I heard his breath hitch at the sound of my voice, and I too was surprised. It sounded like someone was ringing a spectacular array of bells. Honestly it was a very nice voice, not as beautiful as some of the others but, entirely pleasant all the same.

He exhaled, and touched his hand to my cheek. I thought his skin felt warm before, now it felt like someone was attacking me with a flame thrower. Ow.

"So I see being a Bloodsucker hasn't improved your attitude." He said, his voice sounding slightly lighter, but still cautious. "Look at me Bella." He said in a slight whisper.

I shook my head. "Just get it over with."

I could picture the confusion on his face in my head. I heard him look over his shoulder at one of his pack. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

"Just rip me to shreds and get it over with already. Time's-a-wastin'."

He sighed. "We are not going to kill you Bella." His tone was not amused. I opened one eye cautiously, and peered at his face. _Holy crow _was all I could think. Everything was so..._clear_. Every tree was defined, I could see specks of dust in the air, no grain of dirt lying on the ground escaped my keen eye. I realized, just like with my hearing, that my excuse for sight in my human years had not done the world justice. It was amazing, and I was enjoying this far too much for the current situation. I was distracted momentarily, and I wondered if they noticed. It had only taken a fraction of a second to discover my new senses.

"You're not?" I asked, slowly opening the other eye, and seeing much of the same as I just had. I focused my sight on Jacob, and a flicker of emotion that I had not seen before flashed on his face. Was it..._fear_...?

"No." He said in a harsh tone, but he stopped looking in my eyes. "You need to feed." He said standing and taking several paces back.

"Ah. Thirst. Right...Ow." I brought my hand up to my throat, trying to stifle the angry burst of heat and dryness that flared in my throat. _My first hunt,_ I thought idly. This should be interesting. I stood quickly, actually I don't even remember trying to get up, one minute I was laying on the ground, and the next...I was on my feet. My new speed would take some getting used to.

I heard a low growl from behind me, and in an instant I was facing him, crouched down, and a menacing snarl tore through my lips. I bared my teeth, and the urge to defend myself was irresistible, it was necessity.

"Paul." Sam's warning voice came from behind me, I straightened instantly. Sam. Right. These people were my friends, and I would not harm them. Even Paul, the filthy mongrel.

_Whoa. Where did those thoughts come from? I like Paul._

I took a deep breath, and instantly wished I hadn't. The smell was disgusting. It was warm, like inhaling to close to an open flame or bonfire, but it had a strong undercurrent of wet dog. My stomach churned, and if my body was able to produce vomit, I think it would have. The smell was repulsive.

"Ugh." I said, looking at Jacob, and crinkling my nose, fighting the urge to cover it completely with my hand. "You _reek."_ I said in an accusatory tone towards Jacob. He chucked.

"Yeah? Well you don't smell so super yourself." He said, mimicking my face. He still would not look into my eyes. I felt a small stab of sadness in my chest. Did he not want to be my friend anymore?

I reached out and grabbed his hand, my stony brow furrowing. "Jacob, what's wrong, why wont you look at me?"

He sighed. "...It's your eyes. They're well, red." He said in a resigned voice. I let my hand drop, I didn't feel the thirst for human blood...not yet anyway. Why were my eyes the same color as any other evil Vampire?

"I need to hunt." I said, feeling the flare in my throat. Maybe once I did that my eyes would turn the brilliant topaz color I had once seen...elsewhere. But something else crossed my mind, something I wanted resolved before anything else. "What did you tell Charlie?" I asked. Jacob dropped his head, and closed his eyes. I felt my stomach plummet. "What did you tell him?" I demanded, hoping that they hadn't told him I was dead, that would have killed him.

Jacob did not answer. He turned away from me, I stared at his back for an instant, then looked towards Sam, he would give me answers...he had to. What was with all the secrecy? It couldn't be that bad...My stomach plummeted to my feet.

"S-Sam." I said in a pleading tone.

His calm façade melted, and a pained look crossed his face. "Victoria outsmarted us. She got to him before we even knew she was in Forks." He said, trying to keep his gaze steady. My breath came out with a _whoosh._ Charlie, dead. I tried to stop the torrent of images flashing through my head of his broken, crumpled body after Victoria was through with him.

"_Victoria," _I hissed through clenched teeth.

Even more silence followed. I spun my head around looking for something, anything that would give me answers. Nothing. The boys that hadn't shifted back to their human forms looked at the ground guiltily; their muzzles pulled down in pained expressions.

I turned back to Sam. He looked just as guilty as the rest. "She...seems to have a particular _knack_ for evasion."

It hit me like a blow to the gut. Victoria was not gone. She was still a threat, taking lives and shedding blood wherever she went. And somehow she had gotten away form the wolves. Somehow, she slipped past their defenses and killed Charlie. She had to be destroyed.

It was simple; I would end her thus becoming a monster myself. What did it matter? I might as well make the world a small bit safer.

Anger radiated off me, a white hot fury was coming off me in waves. I wanted to kill her; I had never felt such a powerful urge. The urge to rip, and tear her stony flesh, and to watch as I burned the pieces.

"We're so sorry Bella." Jake said, finally turning towards me, and making eye contact. He grabbed my hand again and looked at me fully, the mask was gone. This was my Jacob.

"It wasn't your fault." I said, breaking the contact, feeling too ashamed to look at him. "I need to hunt." I said stalking off into the forest, this time not noticing the burning in my throat. I didn't want to hunt. I wanted to be alone, but I knew that they would follow me, to make sure I didn't harm anyone. They didn't know I wanted someone who was more then capable of defending herself.

I ran into the forest at full speed and did not look back.

**Alice's P.O.V.**

_Bella was running in the forest, clearer then I had ever seen her. But she was different, she was strikingly beautiful, and much to fast to be a human. Her face looked desolate, void of any emotion as she tore through the thick foliage of the forest. Her eyes were a bright, crimson color and she passed several opportunities to feed in her run. She wouldn't have missed those, they were easy targets. I could hear the soft padding of feet behind her, she was being chased, or followed I couldn't tell. But I couldn't see anything behind her..._

My eyes refocused on the fire as my latest vision dissolved. I was extremely confused by what I had just seen, but my predominant emotion was...fear. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella Swan was now, or would be very soon, a Vampire.

I felt Jasper straighten next to me, sensing my sudden wave of terror for the poor girl. Who was she being followed by? Does she need help?

"Alice...What's wrong?" He asked, confused, and I felt a wave of serenity come over me. I saw Edwards head snap up, he hadn't been paying attention to my vision, but maybe he had heard the alertness in Jasper's voice.

_Should they know? _I knew Edward had heard that in my head, his forehead was creased, but his eyes showed no emotion. This was the biggest emotional reaction I had seen from him in nearly half a year. I immediately started to recite the Greek alphabet in my head, trying to keep Edward out until I could figure out what was going on. His forehead got even more crinkled as I blocked him. Jasper's head just whipped back in forth between us, trying to decipher what was happening.

"Alice..." Jasper said again, getting frustrated. I kept my gaze on Edward, still unsure. His eyes were locked on mine, he was concentrating heavily. I gave up, he should see this, and maybe it would make things better. If she wasn't a human anymore then maybe they could be together. Maybe we could be a family again.

Jasper and I watched as Edward delved into my vision. He stiffened and did not move for much longer then the vision had lasted. Jasper sighed in irritation. "Bella." I whispered to him, and he seemed momentarily understanding, but his confused look returned a minute later as he intently watched Edward in silence.

"Is there anything else?" Edward demanded, his voice was rough –well for a Vampire—from not being used in several months. I shook my head, hoping that this would lead where I wanted it to.

I smiled as Edward said "I'm going after her."

_It's about time you moron._

He growled slightly.

**

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****A/N:** First off I want to get this out there before I forget, Bella didn't know she was going to have red eyes because this taking place before she ever meets Bree in Eclipse and sees how a newborn Vamp is. Ok? Ok.

And I'm so sorry about posting this chapter up so late; I'm in the middle of moving—Gah!--so I don't always have time to post stuff. Things should –hopefully—get better after this week, unless something goes horribly wrong with my internet at the new place. Needless to say, if that should happen you needn't worry about more chapters, as I will have killed myself. I NEED my internet. Ok not really, but I seriously will try to get numero tres up soon. You guys are AMAZING. Thanks for the reviews.

Oh and Shelb-Shelb? This one's for you, babe. You inspire me more then you know.

To the left, to the left, everyone push the review button to the left.


	3. Love and Lies

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Not mine.

* * *

"Bella honey, don't be stupid." Jacob pleaded with me for umpteenth time already. "You don't have to leave." I sighed and rubbed my temples. Was it possible for a vampire to get a headache?

"Jacob, I can't be here anymore. I have to find her." I wouldn't speak her name, but Jacob and the rest of the wolves knew exactly who I was talking about. _Victoria._ It was surprising actually, not only did the pack avoid ripping me to shreds and burning the demonic pieces, but they also seemed to accept—in the loosest term possible—me. Let's put it this way, they could stand to be in the same room as me, but that was as far as the cordiality went. Save for Jacob, he was right beside me the entire time, shirking his own duties as the beta to be with me. He even went as far as sleep deprivation to make sure I didn't run off in the middle of the night while he was resting.

He had even touched me a few times—flinching as he did so—by holding my hand or a quick hug. The pungent smell radiating off of him wasn't as strong either, Id grown accustomed to it. Now, I was actually enjoying the warm sensation that his touch brought, it was the only thing I enjoyed lately.

In truth, tracking Victoria was only half the reason that I wanted to leave. I had hurt everyone around me in one way or another. It was sickening that I had the power to hurt so many without even trying. With a twisted grimace, I briefly wondered if that was my power as a vampire. While others got to read minds or see the future, I put people through the worst kind of emotional pain imaginable. How fitting. I really was a monster. And not the kind that just sucks the blood out of people, I drained their life force. With a snort of disgust I turned away from Jacob, not wanting him to see the pain and horror on my face.

"Bells..."

"No, Jacob. I'm leaving."

"Do you really want to run away from everything you know? To be alone, is that what you want?" He demanded, his voice steadily growing in volume.

"That's _exactly_ what I want." I hissed. "What's here for me Jacob? Charlie's empty old house? A group of teenage werewolves that don't want to be around me?"

"I'm here." He whispered as his unnaturally warm hand found its way to may back. My anger started to melt immediately.

"I see how much my being a vampire hurts you, Jacob. I can't...do it anymore. I can't hurt you any more then I already have."

"Oh come on Bells, give me some credit. I'm stronger then you think."

I decided to change tactics, since obviously the truth was out.

"I don't have a home."

"_I _can be your home." He said roughly turning me around to face him, a scorching look in his eyes. I stifled a sigh.

"God, you're persistent."

"God, you're stubborn."

An uneasy silence passed between the two of us. We stood there, his hot hand still on my arm, our gazes locked in an unmoving battle of wills.

"Fine." I said, clenching my jaw. "I'll wait till you fall asleep." I narrowed my eyes and yanked my arm out of his iron grasp. His lips pursed together, trying to form some rebuttal. I knew running was out of the option, his lengthy strides could surpass mine any day.

"I wont sleep."

"Ha! How long will that last?"

"Ill get the other pack members to watch you."

"Yeah, that'll go over well. 'Hey guys, would you mind babysitting my vampire best friend while I take a nap?'" I rolled my eyes.

"I won't sleep." He repeated more firmly.

"That's stupid." I rebutted.

"You're stupid."

I sighed. "Am not."

"Are too."

An unexpected growl pressed through my lips. Stupid, pig headed Werewolf! Who was he to tell me what to do? No. Absolutely not. I was leaving, that was for sure, and he wasn't about to stop me.

Why was he fighting me so hard on this? Did the concept "mortal enemies" mean anything to him?

The answer was simple: he loved me. I knew that.

God, I was so stupid. He was scared. He didn't want me to leave—obviously—but not because he was afraid I would go off the deep end and hurt someone, he was scared that he would never see me again. He was right though, if I left, I would never come back. All right. Fine, I would lie. One last lie, and he would be free of me and my wretchedness.

Time to test my acting skills. It had to be convincing. It had to.

"Jacob..." I said, placing a frigid hand on his cheek. "I have to find her. I have to...end this. Who knows how many more she will kill?..."

"We can do that, we can find her." He said, slipping into the pack plural.

"No, Jacob. You have too many responsibilities here. You know that. I can track her, my senses are stronger then yours. I have to kill the bloodsucker." I said with a small, fake grin.

"Bells..."

"For Charlie." I pressed. "I have to finish this." The hardness, and his mask like face dissolved at the name, giving me a glimpse of the younger Jacob I knew and loved. "Ill be back as soon as I can." I said in a tone that sounded convincing to me; I hoped he believed it.

"How soon will you be back?"

"You won't even know I was gone."

"I doubt that." He crushed me to his blazing chest, and kissed my head. "I'll miss you." His voice was dripping with pain. He knew I wasn't coming back. I'd always been a lousy liar.

"Miss you more." I said, feeling that if I could produce them, I would have tears in my eyes. I held onto him realizing this would be the last time I would ever see him. It hit me like I'd been kicked in the stomach. This would be the last time I would hurt him. I promised myself that. I tried to pull away but he held me tighter to his chest. And with speed that surprised even me his hand was under my chin, roughly forcing me to look at him. If I wasn't a vampire, it might have hurt slightly. My brow was furrowed in confusion, what was he doing?

And then I saw it. The blazing determination in his eyes. Before I could protest, his mouth had crushed to mine, his broad, warm lips covering every inch of my cold, thin ones. I grabbed fistfuls of his hair, trying to pull his lips off mine without hurting him. He ignored this, and wrapped one long arm around my waist pressing me closer to him.

And then something inside me broke.

Letting out a strangled sob, I pulled him closer to me, images in my head started streaming in. Jacob and I together on a beach, him laughing and I, sparkling in the sun. The two of us in his garage, his head buried under the hood of his ancient Volkswagen, me smiling mischievously as I honked the horn. I could see Emily's kitchen and Billy's tiny living room, all full of laughing people. The vampire girl and the wolf girl cooking together, my nose crinkled in distaste. I saw it now, clearly for the first time ever. Jacob didn't care if I was human or a vampire, or if I had turned neon green and sprouted a few arms out of my head sometime soon. He loved me, and nothing would change that. He loved me as desperately as I had loved another.

My resolve melted, and I let myself feel everything that I had been suppressing for too long. My grip on his hair became more urgent now, in a different way. He let out a wild gasp of surprise as I started to kiss him back. I parted my lips and allowed him access to my mouth. He shivered, whether it was from excitement or my icy touch I didn't know, yet he didn't pull away. His tongue traced my bottom lip slowly before forcefully making its way into my mouth. I didn't protest as he explored me in new ways. Our lips moved rhythmically against one another, there was no hesitance or fear in the way we touched one another, only a longing and sadness that was indescribable.

His mouth was different from what I was used to, it was soft and warm and molded to mine. Not the other way around. My other arm snaked its way around his neck and I pressed myself against him, putting everything I had inside of the kiss, every emotion, every once of love I possessed for him in my body was now being expelled in this moment of passion. Soon, too soon he pulled away needing air. Pressing his forehead to mine, I could hear his ragged breathing reflecting my own. We stood there in silence for a moment just listening to each others breathing. He slowly and gently pressed his lips to mine once, twice...three times.

"I love you, Jacob." I finally admitted.

"I love you more." He said, his voice flecked with every ounce of pain I felt.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"Goodbye, Jacob." I said pulling away from him, my voice cracking. I saw his jaw set, and I took a few steps back, out of his reach. His left arm came up, hovering there in the empty space between us reaching out to me in one last attempt to stop me.

Despite his body's protests, he whispered "goodbye, Bella."

I turned my back and ran into the forest at full speed, leaving everything miles behind me. The trees flew past in a blur, and I let myself become overwhelmed with the agony. It was better this way, it was the only way I could protect him from myself. The ragged hole flared achingly in my chest.

Somewhere behind me, in the depths of the forest, a lone wolf howled.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

I wasn't paying attention to the random objects that I was stuffing hastily into the duffel. Honestly I didn't even know if it was a duffel, it was just something that Alice had thrown at me when I decided to leave for Forks.

"You need to hurry, Edward. Something's changed...I don't know what yet. But it's serious." Alice said, her stony brow furrowing in concentration and irritation. It had taken her only seconds to notify the family of what was happening. And the reactions were to be as expected. Only Rosalie failed to be surprised and happy.

My only response was a nod as I continued to pack my belongings in double time. Bella needed me, and I would be damned—no pun intended—if any harm was to come to her. I had seen the emotionless, vacant expression on her face in Alice's vision, and it nearly tore me apart. I knew that look only too well. I saw it whenever I passed a mirror, or something reflective. The past few months, or years, or however long it had been disintegrated immediately and my new obsession was finding Bella. Saving Bella. Ok, so maybe it wasn't my _newest_ obsession. I always seemed to be saving her from something or other, but I never minded. It made me feel validated, as if I actually deserved to be with her.

But an angel should never be with something as hideous as me.

In Alice's vision however...Bella was no longer..._human._ I forced myself to think. She was one of us now, or would be soon.

Two plans were forming in my head as I bustled around the house trying to get myself together. Either one, she was human, and I would do everything within my power to keep it that way, or two, she was no longer living and I would convince her to come home. Maybe I would stay with _her_, it didn't matter, as long as we were together, _I_ would be home.

"Here, take the BMW. It's faster, full tank too." Carlisle said, breaking me out of my reverie. I owed him so much, I hadn't been the best son for the past few months, and yet he forgave me for everything, and didn't think twice about helping me. I would be in his debt for all eternity.

"Thank you Carlisle. Thank you for everything."

He pulled me into a hug and said "bring her home, son."

"I will." I said, nodding.

The rest of my goodbyes were hasty, I didn't even realize who I was hugging, my only focus was getting to the car and finding Bella. That was until a very tiny hand slapped my forehead.

"Hello? Anyone home?" An irritated voice said below me.

I sighed. "Yes, Alice?"

"Finally." She mumbled. "Look, Bella's not going to be...easily convinced." She said her brow furrowing. "It's going to be fairly difficult to get her to come back home." She said rolling her eyes. "Just don't give up ok?" She added with hopeful eyes. That wasn't possible, I would never give up on Bella, never.

"All right, Alice. Call me if you see anything new."

"Will do."

I nodded and made my way to the car, turning one last time to see my family file out of the door, all with nervous looks on their faces. I remembered my promise to Carlisle.

"I_ will_ bring her back." I said. "I promise." They were far away, and I was speaking only in a whisper, but I knew they could hear. I got in and shut the door, throwing my bag onto the passenger seat. With a rev of the engine and the sound of screeching tires, I peeled out of the driveway and made my way towards the entire point of my existence.

**...**

**A/N: **First off, I'm getting crabby because my stupid horizontal ruler hates me.

Ok. Wow. This story is officially making me sad. The part with Bella and Jacob saying goodbye...that was rough for me to write. I love his character—except when he's like 'kiss me or I'm offing myself,' grr—and I hate to say goodbye, but, it had to be done for the sake of the story.

Oh, Edward isn't gonna win her over just yet. I couldn't make it that simple, could I? Well, I could, but I like torturing them. It's cathartic. Ah, I'm sadistic aren't I? Hmm. Oh well.

So, hey I'm making a playlist for this. It should up on my profile soon. But seriously, I have to give Meyer mucho cool points for doing a playlist. It's a lot harder then you'd think it would be. Most of the time it ends up with me banging my head against the desk and wondering why I wanted to do this in the first place.

Oh that's right, because it's awesome.

Wow. Long author's note. Is anyone out there still reading? Or are you guys taking a nappy-poo? Hah.

Oh and every time you don't review, Edward Cullen loses a hair. Think of the hair!

Adieu.


	4. The Hunted

**A Rather Bulky A/N: **So I'm tired of writing weepy, poor little Bella. I was hoping to bring forth her more sarcastic side in this chapter. More of the rambling confused Bella that we all know and love.

janepotter22-- Do you really think my diction is slipping? Well, I am pretty exhausted. I'm in the middle of moving, I've had like NO sleep for like a week (darn neighbors I just have to dig deep and try harder. I will. After this chapter, and after I get some gosh darn sleep. Thanks for the comment and the honesty, seriously. And for not being like "you're dumb." Much appreciated.

I've been trying really hard to keep the characters cannon. Really, really hard, because I hate those stories where Bella is like "lah-de-dah I'm a Vampire now, everything is o-tay!" No, it is not o-tay, Bella. How dare they do that to you. Its difficult for me to write other characters beside Bella, because they all have different personalities and I don't want to write them the same way because then it like..meh you know? I'm adding character development to my list. Ill try a one shot from Edward's Pov, maybe that will help. Thanks so so so so so much for your comments and suggestions. Every single one makes me smile.

* * *

Ok, so this tracking thing isn't as easy as you think it would be. It goes like this right? With our super senses, we are able to find our prey hunt it down and kill it in cold blood. It should be easy.

WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I had no idea how long I had been running in circles, skirting the edges of small towns, still trying to avoid the extreme thirst that burned the back of my throat at the smallest whiff of human blood. Every time I got near enough her scent to decipher the direction she was going, I would have to turn and run away, because tantalizing little humans were running amok, in their unsuspecting little towns.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

My god, where is the justice? I mean here I am, doing everything within my power to stop an evil vampire, all the while depraving myself of any kind of sustenance that would be satisfactory. Seriously, shouldn't I be on the receiving end of some karmic interlude? Would it be so difficult for _someone_ up there to throw me a bone—or a scent more specifically—or something? Come _on_!

My daily rants were starting to get ridiculous. Not that I minded anyway, it kept my mind from wandering to less desirable subjects. I refused to wallow in self pity. I had made my decision, and done what was best for everyone. I was simply too dangerous to be around. End of story.

The life I had been given wasn't _so _bad after all. Maybe after I was done with Victoria, then I would start hunting other evil vampires. Maybe I would become some sort of vigilante, and piss enough people off where they could put me out of my misery.

Hadn't _he _once said something about...the...Volturi...was it? Maybe if I angered them, I wouldn't have to worry about it. That was a thought.

I sighed, once again losing whatever meager scent I had. Again.

"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration, and grinding my teeth. Maybe I should just hunt again. Mountain lion sounded good. Actually I never had really tried anything else...I briefly wondered why that was.

I spun around on my heel, and closed my eyes, attempting to pick up a different scent entirely.

It was now, that karma had finally decided rear its stupid, smug face to me. Gee, thanks.

I picked up a new scent, something altogether different. Not the mountain lion, or even Victoria, something sweet and icy, something too beautiful to be human. But, I wasn't frightened of it, it was...oddly comforting. I _knew_ this scent. I just didn't know what it belonged to.

My natural curiosity was telling me find out what it was, but my other half, my self preserving, vampire side told me that the scent was a threat, and to run as fast as my legs could carry me in the opposite direction.

Honestly, I didn't feel like seeing anyone at the current moment. So I sighed and ran through the forest at full speed, careful not to leave any footprints.

A few hours later, the sun was on its way down and I was sitting on a log, trying futilely to fix my dirty and torn clothing. Well, clothing was an optional word now; I looked more like Tarzan's Jane, rather then a member of the 21st century. I sighed and ripped part of my pant leg off, frowning at it. I had blood droplets down what was left of my favorite, battered Beatles t-shirt. Parts of my stomach and chest—nothing _too_ revealing mind you—were showing, and my jeans were ripped and bloodied as well. My first hunting trip had been...less successful then others lets say. I threw the ripped fabric into the trees, not specifically caring about littering. I had a feeling that park rangers wouldn't bother me. All five of them anyways. Just like the police force in Forks, like Char- No!

No. I would not think of it. It hurt too much. Instead I quickly stood and made my way out of the small clearing and further into the forest. I focused my intent on finding Victoria's scent. That was all that mattered to me now. Finding her and ending her. I hoped it would be painful.

_Speaking of painful _I thought with a grimace, raising a hand up to my throat. Ow. Need to feed. Right. I caught the scent of a herd of deer a few miles to the west. My nose crinkled involuntarily. It was no mountain lion, but at least it was something. I glumly made my way over to where the scent was most concentrated. Inhaling, the burn in my throat flared, making my entire body feel dry and achy. I peered through the thick brush, spotting my targets. Three of them, resting. I could snap their necks in mere seconds, they wouldn't see it coming. At least it was humane.

I crouched, and fought off a snarl so I wouldn't frighten them. Without warning I leaped silently into the small clearing, snapping each of their necks in turn. I said a silent prayer for them as began to feast. Not as tasty as I'd hoped, but it got the job done. I almost chucked at the fact that I had prayed for them. I guess it took me becoming a vampire to find God. Go figure.

After I was partially satiated, --and feeling slightly sloshy-- I found it easier to concentrate. Once again, I closed my eyes and let my senses take control. I inhaled, not looking for food, but for Victoria. It was there, slightly. But she had definitely passed this region before, and not long ago. Fighting the urge to pump my fist in victory I headed further west, ginning as I went.

After what felt like only seconds my running came to a full stop. He scent had molded into something else. Something different entirely. I became still, no breathing, no blinking. It was the scent that I had come across before.

_Twice in one day? What are the odds? _

None. That was the odds for that particular event. I was dozens of miles away from where I had last come across the scent. It took only a millisecond for me to realize that I had gone from being the hunter, to the hunted.

I stood completely motionless, letting my hearing, eyesight, my nose take everything in. Before I had even known it, I had made my decision. I would stop my hunter in any way possible. Including force if necessary.

A branch snapped behind me, and I could have sworn I heard a low, audible sigh. I backed away from the sound, in a complete crouch, ready to attack, almost eager for a fight. The scent was stronger then ever, and I knew it was close. The smell was so odd...it was so familiar...like I'd known it intimately at one time, but never really taken it in.

It was rather frustrating, to say the least. How did I know that smell? It was...sweet...like honey and...almonds? But with a musky undercurrent. It was fantastic. I'd never smelled anything so pleasant. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes. Vague, blurry human memories came to the surface of my mind. My old room...my bed...a meadow?

I snapped my teeth together. More irritated by the puzzle of everything, rather then frightened by the fact that someone had followed me in the first place. I strained my eyes trying to see what was hidden in the depths of the forest. Nothing. My pursuer was skilled. Much more skilled then I. If I wasn't so busy trying to be intimidating I would have slapped my forehead for being such an idiot. I'd left such an obvious trail. I'd stopped several times and touched trees; I even left part of my clothing behind.

Great. Why didn't I strap a great big flashing neon sign to my back saying "Hey you! I have no idea how to defend myself! Come on! Fresh meat for the taking!" Stupid, stupid Bella.

I sighed. Nothing was attacking. Nothing was advancing. What the hell?

Maybe my pursuer wasn't looking for a fight. I shook my head trying to clear it of the foggy haze that encircled it from the scent. It was lovely. I almost felt...I couldn't properly convey my emotions, but maybe buzzed would be the proper word to use. I felt like I was about to swoon, it was disconcerting.

Something was wrong. I didn't enjoy the feeling of not being in control of my emotions. As of late I liked to use simple words for that kind of thing. Like "happy," and "full." Neither of those were used very frequently however. Being stoic was my new thing; I had become a master at not showing my emotions. I was as bad as Jacob with that damn mask.

Despite the fact that my inner monologue was flowing, I was still paying attention to my surroundings. I had stopped breathing, and even thought it wasn't the most comfortable feeling, it was better then whatever was happening before. I was more in control now. I possessed enough self restraint to straighten up. I took one quick glance at my surroundings, but nothing had changed. I turned on my heel in a flash and began to run.

I had taken four steps. Four steps toward my goal when my sanity came crashing down around me.

"Bella, wait." A voice like velvet called. It was –I forced the name—Edward's voice. I was paralyzed, the voice was back? I hadn't heard it since the cliff...incident. I strained to remember, the entire thing was kind of foggy.

I chuckled. Perfect. A crazy, vigilante vampire who heard voices. What was next? Acid rain?

Despite my slight moment of insanity, I closed my eyes. That was the most beautiful sound I had heard...well since I'd heard it last.

"Say something else." I whispered, a small smile on my lips. My eyes were shut so tight, they were like vices. Heck, if I was having delusions, better make it a good one.

"My Bella." A hand caressed my cheek. This was one of the better ones. I'd never actually felt his touch before. I fought the urge to lean into it, afraid I would crack the illusion and shatter it into a million pieces.

Oh God, his voice was just as musical as I remembered.

"More." I mumbled, refusing to let it go.

"I love you." He whispered in an intense voice. My smile was no so wide, I was afraid my face was going to split in two. "Beautiful as ever." It mumbled, his thumb stroked my cheek.

Ok. That was enough. If it went any further...I...I don't know what I would do. I sighed and opened my eyes.

"GAH!" I nearly yelled. Ok, this was no mere delusion. I was hallucinating as well.

Great.

There was a god like figure in front of me. Topaz eyes shimmering in the night. The moon's rays were bouncing off of his ghostly pale skin, making him glow like an angel. He looked startled and surprised, but that did nothing to diminish his beauty. Perfect as ever. His other hand reached out to touch me, I took an involuntary step back. Actually several steps back, I was a good 100 yards from him. When had that happened?

I snapped my eyes shut. "Stop it, Bella." I said in an angry tone. "This is not normal vampire behavior."

"Bella?" The velvety voice asked sounding both concerned and amused. I opened one eye, and there he was, not a foot from me, looking down with those smoldering eyes.

Keeping one eye open I mumbled "You're a good one."

"A good what? If you don't mind me asking."

"Hallucination."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Bella I'm not a hallucination." He said, a small smirk on his perfect lips.

"You're not?"

"No." He said, pressing his lips together to suppress a grin.

I was silent as I gaped at him. I shook my head.

"That's what you would say if you were a hallucination."

"Bella, when was the last time a vampire hallucinated?"

"You would know, being a figment of my imagination and all."

He sighed and shook his head. "Bella..." He said taking my face in between his hands cautiously "I'm not, nor have I ever been a figment of your imagination." His skin felt different, not icy cold as I had expected, but...almost warm. And soft. He didn't feel like stone anymore. That only proved my theory more, if I had imagined him, then he would feel exactly like this. I inhaled, prepared for my rebuttal.

What I was not prepared for was his scent. It was the exact one I had come across earlier.

I was wrong before. I knew now the scent didn't belong to a what. It belonged to a who. My who. My Edward.

_Holy Crow._

**...**

**A/N: **See what I do for reviews? I write small, annoying poems.

Hey! Hey You!  
You know what you should do?  
Maybe spare a moment or two?  
Edward thinks that you should too,

You should review!

I never claimed to be a poet.


	5. Uneasy Promises

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay, I was otherwise occupied. Oh and if anyone even thinks of saying the word "playlist" I'm going postal. Seriously. Its pretty much killing me.

* * *

Even with my superior vampire intellect, I couldn't figure this one out.

_Edward. _

He was here, right in front of me. Warm and soft, not like I remembered his hard and unmoving body. He didn't feel ice cold like he used to, but more like warm water, not as warm as a human, but comforting. But he wasn't the one who had changed, no. That honor was mine alone.

I studied his features. Beautiful. God-Like. Indescribable.

The light of the moon fell on his angelic features casting his shadowed, and dark eyes in a eerie light. I had never been as glad to have my enhanced features as I was at that moment. I had thought he was beautiful before, but I was wrong. I had never seen him with my infuriatingly weak eyes. His pale skin shone in the moonlight, surrounding him with an iridescent glow. His liquid topaz eyes glittered, holding back emotions I couldn't fathom. My eyes dropped to his perfect, full, rose colored lips. My hand slowly—even slow for human speed—made its way to the bruise like shadows under his left eye. My fingertips traced the dark lining, and I watched his eyes flutter shut, as if he was enjoying the feeling of my touch. My hand cupped his cheek and my thumb rubbed his smooth skin. He leaned into my hand; I could hear his breathing accelerate ever so slightly.

"Bella.."

"Shh..."

I didn't want him to speak. I wanted to enjoy the last time I would touch him without hearing his protests. He could give me a last touch, at the very least.

If I had a heart that functioned normally, it would have been thudding in my chest. I tried to take a steadying breath, to prepare to leave, but I was assaulted by his overpowering scent. I momentarily drowned in it, reveling in the sweet and comforting scent that enveloped me.

He was so close. The closest he had been in countless months. My right hand twitched, yearning to join in with the left, aching to touch him. Yet, it resisted. I resisted. We were so close, and nearly silent, except for the sounds of our accelerated, and unnecessary breathing. My feet were not complacent to stay as still as my hand, however. They took a step forward the whole time my mind was screaming _no, no, no! _

The gap between us was almost non existent now, and he felt the shift in my position. I finally removed my left hand, looking at the ground. I was nearly gasping for air now, my eyes were level with his chest, and I focused my eyesight on the stitching of his shirt. His hand found my chin and his fingers tilted my head up, forcing me to meet his eyes. Something I didn't want to do, for I knew what I would find in them. Rejection, pity, guilt. I fought to control myself. Thank God, I couldn't produce tears anymore; otherwise they would be streaming down my face.

"Look at me Bella."

Here it comes...

I reluctantly looked up, resolving that if I saw what I knew I would there, I would run for it. Hopefully my newborn strength would give me an edge. What I saw in his smoldering eyes however, was not what I expected.

Love. Pure unadulterated, irrevocable love.

His eyes burned into mine, willing me to see what he was feeling. I couldn't. I didn't understand. I couldn't comprehend his emotions. Hell, I could hardly understand my own.

Our faces were inches apart. His licked his perfect lips, and for a moment they had my devout attention. His hand moved, and in the blink of an eye, it was resting on my cheek, mirroring my movements only moments before. His breath hitched, and he exhaled. I could feel the sweet whiff of his breath wash over my face, intoxicating me. He leaned down and began to close the gap. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. I was paralyzed, and dazzled.

Damnit, would he _always_ have that power? How infuriating.

His lips were mere centimeters from my own. Hesitating, hovering there teasing and dizzying me. If my knees weren't currently locked, then I most likely would have collapsed. He sighed and I could taste him on my tongue. And at the moment it was almost too much, I almost took his mouth with mine right there. But I refrained. My stomach did excited little flips, hungry for him, ready to devour.

And yet he hesitated, waited there for what seemed the longest time. Was he waiting for me to make the final move? Did he really want me to put the final axe through my heart? No. I wouldn't do it. Either he would make the move, or he would have to wait forever. My eyes burned into his, and emotions were flickering over his usually controlled face. I fought the urge to slip into my pout face.

I sighed, slightly exasperated by his perfect as ever self control.

And then he was on me. And all around me. His lips were on mine and the world melted. Nothing mattered. It was only Edward and me. His lips were gentle, soft, uncertain. My hands worked their way from his chest, to his neck, up to his face, and rested in his hair, entwining themselves in his lustrous auburn locks. I pulled his face closer to mine, wanting to get lost in him, wanting to drown in his love, forever.

I never wanted to resurface.

The kiss soon grew more urgent. His usually gentlemanly hands left my face, and flitted down my sides, one resting at my lower back, the other on my hip, daring to venture further down then it ever had. He pulled me closer; I was crushed against his chest, making it difficult for me to breathe. So I didn't. But I wasn't uncomfortable being this close to him. It was like the final two puzzle pieces snapping together, to reveal the final masterpiece. We fit. It was perfect. He was perfect.

His soft lips parted, and he exposed his mouth to mine. His tongue traced my bottom lip, asking permission.

Permission granted.

I was not used to Edward kissing me like this. He had held so much of himself back before. Even though the memories of our other kisses –the one where I was human—were dim and foggy, I remembered clearly that none had been like this. He had always been so careful, so in control. He was afraid of breaking me, but now, that caution was gone, leaving only a feeling of desperation in its wake. I complied, and opened my mouth further. Our tongues danced together, in perfect harmony. It was like he never left.

...Wait...no. He left, he didn't want me anymore. This wasn't right. It wasn't perfect.

_No._ No, no, no.

I pushed him away with great difficulty.

No.

"Edward." I said, panting slightly. I was extremely light headed, and I needed to be in control. I gulped, trying to clear my head, but that didn't help any, I could only taste him in my mouth more. "You don't have to do this."

He looked baffled. "W-what?" He asked his brow furrowing. I could see his chest rising and falling quickly.

"I get it, you left you feel _guilty_. But there's no need to..." I ran my fingers through my hair, and took several steps away from him, needing fresh air despite the fact that we were already outside. "Look. You don't need to check up on me, I'm fine." I lied. "In fact, I'm great. I'm hunting Victoria, so that's taking up a lot of—ok well all of—my time."

"What?" He repeated, looking like someone was about to jump out of the bushes with a hidden camera.

I sighed. Another thing I was not used to: Edward being dense.

"You left."

"Yes." He said, a pained expression twisted its way across his face. "Bella, I—"

I held up my hand, silencing him. "You didn't want me anymore. It's ok. I get it, I was weak, human. The only thing I did was put you and your family in danger."

"You don't underst-"

"Yes, I do." I interrupted him. "I understand perfectly Edward. I didn't deserve you. I wasn't good enough for you. It was for the best that you left me." I was screaming in my head, wiling the words not to be true, but I knew they were. I was not good enough for Edward, and I never would be. He was a god, and I was silly Bella. Silly, stupid Bella.

"That's not why I—"

"Edward, you don't need to lie."

"Damn it Bella, would you let me finish a sentence?" He demanded. I caught a glimpse of his infamous temper and I fought the urge to smile even though I felt more like sobbing. He was so beautiful when he was angry.

I nodded.

"I lied, Bella." He said, his jaw clenching. "It was a...horrendous untruth." He said, shaking his head slightly. "I was afraid that if I stayed, you would always be in peril."

My turn to play the village idiot. "What?"

"When Jasper..." He trailed off reliving the memory of my disastrous 18th birthday, "lost...control, I realized that nothing good would come of me and my family being in your presence." He sighed. "First it was _James,_" he spat the word as if it were a curse "and I nearly lost you...all because I wasn't strong enough..." He stopped, and sighed, placing his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose, pinching it slightly.

"I left for your safety." He concluded. "I wanted you to be safe, to live a normal human life. To have a husband and children that you could grow old with. I wanted to give you the world, instead of being trapped in immortality with me."

"I...you...the-... _huh?_ " I said eloquently.

He closed the several feet of distance I had put between us in a fraction of a second.

"I love you, Bella. Can't you see that? You're my everything. It's you. It always has been you, it always will be. You are my destiny, the reason for my existence."

My mind was working as fast as it could attempting to sort this all out. This couldn't be real. I'd somehow been transported to an alternate universe where Edward loved me, and there were probably unicorns. That was the only feasible explanation. This couldn't be real. He couldn't love me, he didn't love me. He left he said he didn't want me anymore.

He...lied?

My mind was scrambling to find coherent words to express what was happening in my brain. So far it sounded a lot like "blllllarrrgnkkkkkknoi."

Despite my best attempts not to believe him, a miniscule bubble of hope began to form in my chest, making me feel as if I was floating slightly.

Could Edward still love me? Was it possible, now that I was no longer weak?

His hand took its rightful place in mine as he said "I love you more then anything Bella, is it possible for you to love me as well?" He had unleashed the full power of his smoldering eyes on me, and I was prey to his power.

"Um, yes?"

He chucked, a soft musical sound. I had never heard anything more beautiful. His long arms wrapped around me, and he buried his perfect nose in my hair. I was frozen for a moment before I responded to his touch. I melted into him, burying my face in his chest. I sighed, and the sound it made surprised me, it sounded like a strangled sob. He held me tighter.

I pressed my lips to the base of his throat and inhaled his scent. My mind desperately struggled to work out what was happening. But as hard as it tried it was like watching molasses flow.

"So you love me?" I asked, still unsure.

"More then anything."

"And you're not leaving?"

"Never. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

I liked the sound of that.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm not leaving you. Ever. I promise."

I cringed. I didn't like it when people made promises that they weren't sure if they would keep. He felt my hesitation.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I'm sure of that."

I nodded. Trying to sound convincing, I added "I know."

It didn't work.

"Bella," he said tilting my face up towards his. "I can't survive without you." I nodded, and smiled, trying to appease him, but he couldn't be fooled. "How can I prove to you that I'm not leaving?..." He asked more to himself then me. I watched as grief and anguish crossed his face. It didn't look right; something so beautiful shouldn't be so tormented.

"Time." I blurted out, deciding to be completely honest.

"Forever." He urged, pulling me closer.

"Forever." I whispered, trying to sound sure.

* * *

**A/N:** I do not like this chapter. Not one little bit.

I'm a tad grumpy today, while I sit at home, nursing my poor blistered feet back to health. I love moving, but it totally bites the big one when it's only you and your mom, and your 800,000 possessions. I remember it as fondly as the time I had my wisdom teeth taken out, only the teeth yanking involved less blood.

I have no clever little ditty for you today, asking for a review. So here goes it:

Leave a review, please. For my sanity, because, well. Its dwindling.


	6. The Beginning

After our reunion, we fell into an uncomfortable silence, each in our own worlds. I knew he was curious about what had happened, reluctant to ask questions, and I was even more hesitant to answer. Something was wrong. It didn't feel right to be sitting with him, here like this.

"How did this happen?" He asked finally.

I sighed. "Well, I was in La Push one day"—no need to tell him exactly _why_—"and Victoria...well you know the rest." I heard a low growl build in his chest, and patted his arm. For some reason, I was keeping the touching to a minimum. I should have been throwing myself onto him, and kissing him till his brains fell out, but I could hardly hold his hand without feeling...uneasy. So I didn't, I was sitting next to him on a log, facing the forest a good foot and a half away.

He said he wasn't leaving again...alright, sure. I said that I believed him, and I did. Yes, he was staying with me; he's not going anywhere, Bella. Or at least that's what I tried to assure myself.

I didn't realize that we had both fallen into silence before he asked, "You don't believe me do you?"

I didn't look at his eyes, knowing that if I did, I would blurt out the truth. Honestly, I had no idea what my truth was. So I kept my eyes on the horizon. "Sure, I do." I said convincingly. I surprised even myself; I guess lying came naturally to vampires.

"You won't even look at me Bella." I hesitated for only a second before settling my vision on his chin. But, as always, he noticed. There was a pain in his voice, like he had been trying to hold it together but his internal agony was beginning to seep through. As I turned, I saw the same pain etched in his ethereal in his face, pain that was caused by me. I had done it again, hurt someone else. The monster had reared its hideous head.

I then suddenly realized that he couldn't love such a monster. No, I wouldn't allow it. He was too good, to pure to be tainted by someone who continually destroys people emotionally.

He was right. He should have left me all along. I deserve to be alone.

I couldn't even call him by his real name in my head anymore. "He" and "him" were always foremost in my thoughts, but never "Edward." Now here I was, refusing to look at him, and not even doing something as simple as saying his name. I wouldn't touch him, and even sitting next to him was ripping me to shreds.

I wasn't sure why I had reacted the way I had when I had first seen him. I don't know why I had let him touch me...kiss me like that. Maybe I was just happy—more like ecstatic—to see him. I didn't regret the fact that we had embraced, I just wished we hadn't. It was making this whole situation all the more difficult.

The hole began to ache. There was a small breeze now, and I felt every ebb and flow of the gentle wind tear my body in two. I knew immediately why the hole was back. I hadn't been this close to him in months, but never had he felt this far away. I had clamped my arms around my chest and sides, attempting to keep my organs from falling out. Not that it would matter anyway, I didn't need them, I could just stuff them right back in.

The sun was just beginning to break over the forest, warming the earth. I focused my gaze on its orange rays and watched the dawn break over a darker world. Darker because I knew I wouldn't be with him. It was a bright new dawn, but I was among the cursed, among those who were doomed to dwell in the night. Cast forever into the shadows.

And I wasn't talking about vampires, either. I was one of those who wouldn't allow themselves to be loved. Eternally damned in a completely different way.

I couldn't allow him to love me, it was too risky. We had been silent for however long it had taken me to have my epiphany and I realized that I had never responded to what he had said last, but he was right, I couldn't even look at him. So I decided to change the subject.

"She killed Charlie."

Nice, Bella. A real picker upper.

He said nothing, but I could feel his intense stare on my face. I tightened my grip on my sides at the mention of Charlie. My throat felt swollen, and it was becoming difficult to breathe. This was the first time I had willing thrown myself into the flame of misery.

"I'm so sorry." He said, and I could hear that he meant it. I snapped my eyes shut, willing the pain to go away. Pleading for it to just dissipate, and leave whatever shell was left behind.

"I'm going after her." I said, my eyes still closed. He became very still, and I wondered what was going through his mind.

"I wondered why you were wandering through Canada."

"I was following her scent."

I could feel him nod. "You're not very good at it." I felt the corners of my lips tug up, but my smile felt more like a grimace.

"I suppose you're amazing at it, just like everything else." My twisted smile disappeared, leaving only a vacant expression. I didn't open my eyes, but I could feel the sun making its way over toward us, reaching for occupants of its warmth.

"I doubt it, you made it rather difficult for me to find you."

"Is that so?" I asked in bewilderment, thinking I had made it all too easy for him to find me.

"Hmm." Was all he said. We fell into another uncomfortable silence, neither of us touching the other. The sun was just about to bank over the hills in front of us.

"I have to find her." I said, finally drawing on my courage. I couldn't stall anymore.

"All right. Come home first, see everyone, and I'll help you find her." A new pain seared through me, like a white hot poker. Alice, Esme Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie. It would be so nice to see them again. That wasn't my home though; I didn't know where that was. At one point, it had felt like the Cullen household _was_ my home, but now...

"No." I said firmly, finally turning to face him. " I need to do this alone." _Alone_...I repeated in my head.

"You—you don't want me with you?" He asked, his face a mask.

"No." I pressed, and surprisingly I felt it. I _wanted_ to be alone. I wouldn't hurt him, or the Cullen's or Jacob ever again. I would finish off Victoria, and I would disappear. That was my decision, my plan, my future. It would be easier losing him this time, I would know what to expect.

"You don't want...me...anymore?"

This one was more difficult to answer. I swallowed, and forced my breathing to be even as I professed the most hideous and disgusting lie since the dawn of time.

"No."

I had to face away from him as I heard a shape intake of breath. For a fleeting moment I thought of taking it all back, of telling the truth and letting him in. But was that the truth? Had he broken me beyond repair? Was it possible for me to love him as unconditionally as I had before?

I didn't know. But it seemed I would never find out.

"Ed...ward." I said, with great difficulty. "Promise me something." I demanded, looking at him intently.

He nodded, his jaw set. I felt my stomach turn at the twist of events. A few months ago he left me...now I was leaving him. This time it would be more permanent. He would never see me again.

A clean break. My mind echoed, remembering past the hazy human memories and remembering our parting words so long ago.

"Move on." I whispered. His eyes turned hard and he turned his face away from me.

"How can you ask that of me?" He demanded, as I watched the muscles in his jaw flex. "When you know how deep my love runs for you." He turned his face towards me, and rested his hand on my cheek. I opened my mouth in protest, but nothing came out. I however, held his gaze much to my surprise.

"I will never stop loving you." He whispered, his stare boring into my eyes. I shook my head, feeling that I was about to start crying, or at least making the sounds. He gently pressed his lips to mine, and rested his forehead against my own. "I will wait for you, forever. I'll wait an eternity."

"Please Edw-" I was silenced by another kiss.

And then, he was gone. And I was alone, just as I had wished. The sun now washed over me, and my skin sparkled in the light, casting rainbows and beautiful speckles all over the forest. I paid that no attention, I fell to the ground and let the pain consume me, a new dawn revealing itself. I fought the urge to scream, afraid that if he heard, he would turn back, and I would have to reject him again.

I was wrong earlier. It was worse losing him this time. Knowing what to expect helped nothing. My hands curled into involuntary fists and I struggled to breathe. Sobs came from my mouth, but no tears followed.

I curled in a ball on the forest as the dawn broke on a new day.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

Hope was a fickle thing. I hadn't realized it, but when Alice had had her vision, and I decided to go after Bel—_her_ a tiny ray of hope began to shine through me. I realized that now, I was foolish for ever thinking or feeling such a thing.

This was my fault. I had left her in the first place. It was my fault that she had been turned. And now, there was no one else to blame for her not wanting me anymore other then myself.

I had reached a new point of self loathing as I reached the black BMW I had parked on the edge of the forest. If I wasn't so numb at the moment, then I would have been surprised that no one had stolen it. Not that I would have cared. MY angel was gone. My light had disappeared, and it left nothing but darkness in its wake.

I had left her. I had pushed her too far, and now she didn't want me anymore. I didn't blame her, if that was what she wanted, to be alone, then I would be more then happy to oblige.

I yanked open the door, leaving an imprint of my hand on the smooth, black handle. I stopped myself short before I could rip the entire door off. The car was silent as I shut the flimsy piece of metal behind me. MY hands gripped the steering wheel, and I watched as the white tendons in my hand strained, making an obvious effort not to damage the wheel as well.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I didn't bother to even look to see who it was. Alice would have seen the change in events.

She didn't want me anymore. And on top of that she wanted me to move on. How the hell was I supposed to do that? Bel—she was the only girl for me. Maybe one day she would get tired of running and find me again. I would wait.

She said she didn't want me, and I would respect her wishes. That was the least I could do after...leaving her like that. After allowing _Victoria_—I growled—to harm her. At least she could take care of herself now, she wasn't so fragile.

I had always wanted to give her the world, but the one thing that she wanted was distance. Could I do that? Again?

It had never been more difficult for me to respect anyone's wishes. If I sat here any longer, I knew I would get out of the car, run into the forest, track her down and never let her out of my sight again. As if complying with my wishes, my left hand flew to the door handle and opened it ever so slightly. However, I closed the door quickly, growling again, this time at my hand, the accomplice.

Before I could think I grabbed my keys, thrust them into the ignition, and pressed the gas pedal to the floor in one swift move.

If Bella wanted space, then I would give her that.

Even if I had to end my existence to do it.

**

* * *

****A/N: **50 REVIEWS? 50? 50 FREAKING REVIEWS!

Oh my goodness, what do you guys want? Strippers? Cake? Ponies? How about another chapter and a smidge of a playlist? Yeah?

Ok, so the only ones I feel comfortable and solid sharing are these. I have more, but I'm not sure if I like them yet. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

1. Jeanette Biedermann—I'm Alive  
2. Muse—Apocalypse Please

Chapter 2

3. Saliva—Rest in Pieces

4. Lifehouse--Broken

Chapter 3

5. Marjorie Fair—Empty Room  
6. All American Rejects—It Ends Tonight

I love you guys.

There once was a man from Nantucket, whose favorite expression was "Leave a review, please."


	7. Killer

I don't know how I did it. I cannot begin to fathom how I dragged myself off the forest ground and...I don't even know what happened from there to be completely honest. I threw myself into tracking, not feeling, not aching...not anything. I was an empty shell.

The zombie was back.

This time, there was no sunshine, no _Jacob _to drag me out of my misery. There was no sun.

Eternal night. How cliché.

I had finally succumbed to the monster I knew I was. I had also gotten my wish. To be left completely and utterly alone. I silently congratulated myself on my most hideous feat.

The funny thing about being a vampire is that you don't notice time passing. You don't recognize that minutes are melting into hours or days into weeks. But maybe that had nothing to do with me being immortal. Maybe that was purely because I didn't care anymore. I honestly didn't give a crap about the way people saw me, or if I looked wild an uncivilized. Which, I most certainly did.

After—I have no idea of the time span—I had told _him_ that I wanted him to leave me alone; I decided that my current tracking method was not useful. I would have to think like a vampire to find one. Simply giving into my senses would not do. I would have to come into immediate contact with the humans. The mere thought disgusted me. Although I had no idea why precisely, I had no ravenous need for their blood. I felt no savage thirst in the back of my throat when they passed. But, with each passing day it was growing exponentially more risky for anyone who came into contact with me. Yet, it still befuddled me why I didn't attack anyone, why I didn't feel the desire, the thirst the raw _need _for blood.

Huh. Couldn't even be a normal vampire.

I only went into the towns at night. Searching for her scent, that was where it was most likely to be, where she preyed. Even then, I stayed in the shadows, where I belonged. I was extremely cautious, never letting anyone see me. This night was no exception, I was pressed against an alley wall, it had a sickening scent—like decaying trash and vomit—when I had finally caught it. The scent I had been waiting for. Even through ice cold rain, and in this filth place, I caught it. My first break. It was strong, she had been here recently.

It was sweet, but unpleasant all the same, like fruit before it rots. I could see how it would be alluring to humans, but my nose crinkled in distaste. I let the scent consume me and I took several steps—much, _much _too fast for a human—reflexively to follow. To end this, finally.

But that was when I had made my first mistake. I heard a sharp intake of breath and my eyes snapped open.

Someone had seen me.

It was a man forty-ish and slightly balding. He was dressed in a long trench coat, holding a briefcase in one hand and an umbrella in the other. The torrential rain was all that could be heard between the two of us.

Well, at least on his part. I heard his pulse quicken and throb with a delicious wetness in his chest. I had never felt the urge to kill so badly before. Crap. He must have sensed that he was in serious mortal danger; a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. How long had it been since I'd hunted? His breathing became quick and uneven, and I felt my own respond to his, and then something clicked inside my head.

_Predator and prey. _

A small, feral smile worked its way onto my face, and yet the man hadn't moved. Probably paralyzed with fear. Even with my insanely accurate eyesight, I still had trouble seeing his features. But that was the last thing on my mind.

I inhaled his delicious scent—woodsy, somehow—and felt the venom pool in my all too eager mouth. My throat burned in anticipation.

I took a step forward, and crouched. A growl building in my chest.

_The circle of life. _

His heart was beating erratically, and I clearly saw his pulse point, the place where I could kill him in seconds. The place where my deadly teeth would make contact with his soft skin. He wouldn't suffer at least. I licked my lips eagerly, and took a step forward, my muscles tensed and prepared, ready to attack.

I took another step forward this time, faster, less cautious,--what did it matter now?—and looked into his eyes.

I was met by a pair of soft, chocolate brown eyes, widened in fear. They were the samecolor as Charlie's.

Charlie.

Jacob.

The Cullen's.

NO!

I straightened immediately and slammed myself with unnecessary force into the brick wall, leaving a Bella sized indent in it. My chest heaved as I tried to gain control of myself. My throat burned achingly, disappointed at the lack of the delicious moisture it wanted so savagely.

I spun my head to look into his eyes—still wide with fear—only to whisper one life-giving word.

"Run."

He complied, knowing that somehow he was in danger. I had held his gaze for only a moment, but not before seeing myself reflected in his dark eyes.

No wonder he was scared stiff, I looked...like...a _vampire._ No, it was more like I looked dead. My red, orb like eyes were sunken and encased in purple shadows that looked like bruises. I was pale, even for a vampire. My lips were white and thin.

But the dark circles, and the fairness wasn't what bothered me most. It wasn't even the menacing crimson eyes that frightened me.

It was the expression in them.

I wasn't sad looking, or angry like I had expected. My eyes were flat, dead devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Completely vacant. At least when I was a zombie and Charlie was alive—gulp—I faked some semblance of contentment. Now, it looked dead in every sense of the word.

I pulverized the indent my body had made in the brick wall—destroying evidence--before running full speed into the forest.

**3 Weeks later...**

I did everything within my power to stay away from humans after my...incident.

I skirted the edges of towns, staying clear away from temptation. When I came across the occasional hiker, I would high tail it as fast as I could go. Pressing my body to its limits, and possibly breaking the land speed record.

During this time, I had come to a conclusion. I would find the Volturi. If Victoria didn't get the honor of finishing me off, they would. Victoria killing me was plan a. Volturi, plan b.

I also gorged myself on any poor animal that came my way. I wanted no accidents. There was no one to restrain me, and I refused to kill a living human being.

At some point, I had broken into some woman's apartment and stolen a change of clothing and a pair of sunglasses, just incase I ever needed to go into town. God forbid.

I was in the middle of devouring a bobcat—which was quickly becoming my favorite—when I came across the scent I was all too familiar with. Sweet, sharp rotting fruit.

_Victoria_.

I straightened; the animal flopped to the ground, lifeless.

_Victoria_.

I couldn't stop the snarl that emerged from my throat. My head whipped around, my teeth bared. How could I have missed it? It was so strong. I'm a horrible excuse for a vampire.

She emerged from the trees. Alone, I was somewhat surprised by that, she struck me as the kind of coward that would have an army with her or something. She lounged against a tree, looking at her nails, a small smirk on her face.

"That's disgusting. I couldn't fathom eating an animal." She made a face and shuddered dramatically. Her flame like hair danced in the wind, bits of it flickering around her beautiful face. I froze. All this time trying to find her—unsuccessfully, I might add—and here she was.

I hadn't thought the plan through this far.

Er...shit.

Now...we would fight. She had decades, if not centuries more experience as a vampire. I might have her in the sheer brute strength category, but that was about it. What the hell was I thinking? I began to panic, glad that she could no longer hear my heart, because at this point it would have been thudding so fast, it could have hopped out of chest and ran home, wherever that was.

She was obviously getting frustrated by my silence. With a small, frustrated sigh she delicately removed herself from the tree and slowly—even for a human—took a few steps forward.

"What? Cullen got your tongue?"

Oh no she didn't.

I felt anger replace my every emotion. How _dare _she speak their name. My hands started to shake, and I saw red. Literally. Everything was taking on a red hue, but the most vibrant of the colors encased my body.

Was this normal for a vampire? I was briefly distracted by confusion and wonder.

Those too, quickly evaporated and were consumed by a fiery anger. I felt as if I was literally sparking with rage. And then I realized it didn't matter. As long as at the end of this fight, she was gone, I didn't care what happened to me.

She huffed and sooner then I could blink, was standing in front of me. I never realized how short she was. I actually had a good three or four inches on her. I smirked, feeling slightly superior.

"Hello, Victoria." I said in a voice so sweet that it sounded purely menacing.

She stiffened for a moment; her eyes got a fraction of an inch wider.

"Hello." She replied in her bubblegum voice, it was steady, betraying no emotion. We stood there, locked in each others furious gazes. Neither of us spoke, we were in our own tense and deadly private bubble. The smirk slowly leaked itself off my face, leaving only a grimace.

Victoria took an involuntary step back, but kept my stare all the same. Her violently crimson eyes never looked away from my still red, but considerably lighter eyes. I inhaled, clenching my jaw. A low growl was building in my chest, the battle was about to begin.

She crouched defensively, and I followed an instant later. A fierce snarl tore through her lips.

That was all it took for me to give in to my senses completely.

I attacked, my hands flying up toward her throat, hoping to tear it in half. I had no idea what I was doing, I was just following instinct. Her arm automatically caught mine, and she drew me toward her for a moment before sending me flying through the air, and smashing into a tree trunk, snapping the seemingly strong tree in two. I was on my feet again in an instant. And she was gone from the small clearing we had been in previously. I knew now not to get that close unless I had the element of surprise. I could see her in the forest, running, but not as quickly as she could. She wanted me to follow her.

I did.

I caught up, and passed her quickly. I turned and faced her, still in a crouch. She mirrored my position, and growled. Her eyes were a black onyx, and I was sure mine were the same frighteningly cold orbs.

She advanced this time, and we were a flurry of white limbs attacking and defending. I heard something crack, it sounded like someone had ripped a boulder in two. I wasn't sure who had been hurt, but I felt nothing, a good sign.

Her right arm shot out at me, towards my chest, trying to immobilize me. I had the advantage of speed however and grabbed her wrist. I spun to the left, so that my hand was wrapped firmly around her wrist, I was holding her arm behind her back, using all of my strength as she squirmed, desperately trying to release herself from my iron grip. Her eyes grew wide as she realized that she was at my mercy for that moment. My smirk was back.

With an odd, grating sound, her wrist was removed from her body. She shrieked in agony.

I lost my concentration for a moment, and she shot away from me, and into the forest at full speed, this time trying to evade me. It was futile, for I knew that I had to end this. I was inches behind her, taunting her almost. My right hand reached out and grabbed a fistful of her red hair, yanking her to a complete halt.

Her breath was ragged, her eyes were wide with shock, neither one of us knew I harbored the ability to kill. She kept her left hand wrapped around the place her right hand used to be. She whimpered, but her eyes still held the same fury. I threw her to the ground, hoping to finish this quickly. For the first time, a small part of me believed I could actually do this.

Ok then. Plan b it is. Only trouble was, I had no idea how to get there. A idea began to formulate in my head.

I growled menacingly and she flinched. Her moment of distraction was all it took for me to successfully pin her to the ground. We fought for control, each of us snarling and biting each other. I realized that my offensive positioning was doing nothing but getting myself covered in her venom. Which somebody forgot to mention stung really, really bad.

I stood as quickly as I could, and before she knew it, I had a firm hold on one of her legs.

Her black eyes were wide with terror before she heard the high keeling sound of metal on metal.

Her screaming was becoming irritating. I sighed and clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to rub my temples. A tiny smile crossed my lips as I watched her writhe in agony. A small part of me wondered if Charlie had suffered so. This only flared my determination to end her even further. But first, I had more important matters to attend to.

I looked down at her, and pressed the sole of my shoe to her neck. It would take me only a moment to dismember her head if she tried to get away. Her eyes looked at me, frantic. Her hair was splayed on the ground, creating an interesting contrast between the frenzied red, and the dark brown earth.

She hissed, and my foot pressed down even further, stopping her.

"Are you going to kill me?" she croaked, baring her teeth, and then added "What are you waiting for?" In a breathless tone.

I was silent for a moment, contemplating my actions. I hoped that my stare was burning holes in her granite skin. I dropped my gaze for a moment before refocusing on her. I gathered my courage, preparing for what I was about to ask.

"Tell me about the Volturi."

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**A/N: **Stupidfreakinghorizontalruler!GAH!

Er...going into hiding. I'll resurface once the rotting vegetables and sharp objects stop flying.

See that purple button down there? Yeah. See, it suffers from a debilitating disease called "no-clicky-itis." The side effects are twitching, wheezing and a disgusting hacking cough.

Also spontaneous combustion. It's no way to live. Believe me; once you've spontaneously combusted, life just loses its luster. The remedy you ask? LOTS AND LOTS OF REVIEWS.

Oh, and sorry for not updating in the past few days, I'm not one of those authors who can crank out a chapter a day until it's done. I can do five or six, but then I need a little time to stop. I'm giving myself arthritis! Ha-ha.


	8. End of An Era

**A/N: **I'm SOOOOOO SORRY! I had internet issues after the move, and then...things happened, and I just didn't have the inspiration to write. I had started this chapter a few weeks ago, and couldn't finish it for some reason. This morning, I woke up, opened my windows, and everything was covered in snow. And it was like POW! I needed to write.

Yes, I draw inspiration from things like snow. And grilled cheese sandwiches. Don't judge me.

A little Edward appetizer anyone? Um...I think I might be hungry.

**

* * *

****Edward's P.O.V.**

Alice had always said that I had a flare for melodramatics. Personally I disagreed. Pre-Bella, I was relatively normal. I led a normal, vampire life. I hunted, I went to school, I obeyed.

And then I met her.

My world...exploded. From the first second I laid eyes on her, I knew she was different, special. Her mind was a vault, and even my special talent was not enough to unlock its mystery. But I had no idea just how special she was.

At first, she was...hideous to me. My very own monster sent to me directly from the fiery pits of Hades as a form of personal torture. I tried my hardest to resist, not only her blood, but to refrain from touching her. From stroking her face or holding her hand.

And then, like so many before me, I fell in love.

_Love._ A four letter word. It was amazing how that silly word could describe what I was lacking for an entire century of my existence. It was even more ludicrous how that very same emotion was making me feel at the moment.

I had always thought that _she _was beautiful, even in her human form, she captivated me. I was entranced by her wide, innocent brown eyes. Bewitched by the flush in her cheek as she was so easily flustered. But her natural beauty as a human could not hold a candle to the inhuman, almost painful beauty that she was now. I thought resisting the urge to touch her when she was a human was difficult, but that was nothing compared the massive amounts of self restraint I had to possess in her presence only a short while ago.

I had to bite down on my tongue, in my attempt to refrain from breaking the physical barrier that she had so obviously produced. It was agony to keep from stroking her lustrous chocolate brown hair. From cupping her pale and smooth cheek. From kissing her red and pouty lips. I sighed yet again, disappointed in myself for letting my thoughts drift to her, and focused my attention on the present.

It was night—when wasn't it?—and I was sitting in the BMW, staring blankly out of the windshield. The car was off, and I didn't bother to play any music. What was the point?

I looked down at phone, the plastic nuisance, and picked it up with less grace then usual. I fumbled over the simple buttons and sighed at what I saw. 23 missed calls. 18 voicemails.

I sighed once more, and contemplated throwing the phone out of the window before I decided against it.

I had also made other decisions while sitting in the dark car.

For example, not buying a plane ticket and heading straight to Volterra was one. I had promised her I would wait for her. I knew that she loved me, but for some reason she refused me. No, not for some reason, she believed that everything was her fault from Charlie's death—which shocked me beyond belief—to being turned into a vampire.

I would wait. I owed her that.

The other decision I had made was that I would stay with my family. Even though I had failed them—countless times—by not bringing Bella back, they would welcome me home like the prodigal, just as always. They would be disappointed, but they would respect my decision to leave her alone, until she was ready.

I sighed again and picked up my cell phone. I dialed the number with my nimble, speedy fingers. It was answered before the first ring was over. Alice.

"It's me. Yeah, I'm coming home."

**Bella's POV**

Killing Victoria was infinitely easier then I had anticipated. Silencing her screams of agony was a relief, to be completely honest. It brought me a sense of odd accomplishment and satisfaction as I heard the sound of her stony flesh being ripped apart.

There was a sick, twisted smile on my face as I pulled the small, golden lighter from my pocket. I had carried it with me ever since I had resolved to destroy her. I lit a small piece of tinder and watched as the fire grew in the small controlled circle I had constructed for it.

The red flames consumed the bits of her snowy white flesh, and were slightly reminiscent of her chaotic hair. I brought a hand up to cover my nose and mouth as the purple smoke began to rise in billowing clouds. It strongly reminded me of incense, and was so thick that I stopped breathing altogether. Watching the flames consume her, I briefly wondered how I would come to an end. And once I did, would I be headed straight for hell?

It could hardly be worse than this.

Nothing could be worse then this self-inflicted wound. This dull, aching agony. The hole in my chest rekindled with a passion. I wrapped my arms around myself without realizing what I was doing. This simple act of comfort had become second nature to me. But it was less out of comfort, and more of necessity. If I didn't physically hold myself together, I would surely fall apart.

My mind wandered over the information that had just been presented to me.

_"The...the Volturi?" Victoria sputtered, obviously confused."Just...tell me how to get there." I sputtered, feeling ridiculous. I didn't know what I wanted at this moment, but I would figure it out when I got there.Lamb._

_"Yes." I replied coldly, biting back a sarcastic comment._

_"What precisely do you want to know?" She asked, her brow furrowed in confusion._

_"I..." What exactly did I want? Information? Directions? Conversation material?_

_The confused look on her face was slowly replaced by a smug one. Her lips curled into a cold, arrogant grin._

_"And here I was thinking that you were Little Miss Innocent." Her eyes appraised me. "How disappointed the Cullen's would be if they knew their dear, sweet little pet human wants to join those they hate the most." She sniggered, and I growled. "Not such a lost little lamb after all, are you?"_

_That one word struck a chord with me. _Lamb.

_The red haze clouded my vision once again, and I was so consumed by rage that I was unable to control the rabid snarl that escaped my throat. The pressure my foot was exerting on her throat increased and I heard a small gurgle emerge from her lips._

_Getting the required information from her from that point was quick and simple. I now had a destination. A means to an end. Thank God. This would all be over soon. I wasn't sure how long I watched the fire consume the small circle, but I wished that the roles were reversed, and I was the one being eradicated._

_"Tell me." I commanded, lifting the pressure on my foot ever so slightly. "And I'll end this quickly."_

I was startled by a loud choking sound, and I quickly looked around, instantly on guard. I brought a hand up to my face to remove a piece of hair from my eyes, and was shocked to see that it was shaking violently. I gasped, and realized that the sound was coming from me.

Loud, ripping sobs were coming from my chest as I shook with great force. I sunk to my knees, letting the reality of what had just happened sink in. In the past few months I had created major offences to my heart. Crimes, from which there was no parole.

The first of which, I had completely isolated myself from my family and friends, and for that matter, the rest of the world.

Secondly, I had told the love of my life that I not only did not want him anymore, but had told him that I didn't want him. This thought brought a searing pain in my chest. I loved him more then I thought possible. From my limited memories as a human, I remembered that the love I possessed for him was not minimal; I doubted that many loved someone as much as I loved him. I was stupid and arrogant believing that my love—our love--was superior to the rest.

The third and possibly worst of my crimes was that I had just killed—in the loosest sense of the term—a living being. True, she might have been a bloodsucking, she-demon from which there was no escape, but none the less I had taken her life.

I was no better then she.

Sobs wracked through my body, not allowing me to stand. My eyes were filled with tears which would never flow from my hideous crimson eyes. It was frustrating, in the least to not have that ability. I couldn't remember if I had cried a lot as a human, but I was certain that if I was allowed that one form of release, I would feel better in a slight way. Instead, I was only reminded of what a monster I was by my own incapability.

This...being that I was now, was not Bella. I had been inhabited by something else. Something dark and sinister. Something worthy of a true vampire story. Bella Swan had died when Victoria—hiss—had attacked her. Bella was soft, and warm, everything I was not. Bella was human, and breakable. I couldn't even cry.

Bella did not possess the ability to kill; she did not have the thirst for revenge.

I however did.

Bella, could not leave her family, could not tell _him _that she no longer desired his presence, his intoxicating smell. His stupid, dazzling crooked smile, even if he no longer loved her.

One thing was clear, the old Bella was gone. Buried. Dead. Perhaps the flames had done more then eradicate—snarl—Victoria. Maybe they had served as a cleansing ritual, a symbolic way of shoving old Bella out of the way, and into the dredges of her own mind.

Those damn archetypal flames were the end of Bella Swan. The beginning of a new era.

The only question now was...who was she?

At the present moment, that did not matter. The young vampire had one destination, one objective now.

Volterra, Italy.

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**A/N:** Ok, soooooooo out with the cannon Bella in with the new badass!Bella. Not what I sat down to write, it still came out a filler chapter—for that I'm sorry, had to be done—but now, I'm going in a new direction...slightly...-ish. I don't know.

Alright, I KNOW you guys are like "wtfmatewhatswithBellaIdontlikeit." Just...give her a chance. I don't want to reveal anything by saying this...but "Old Bella" isn't gone for ever...-ahem-...or maybe she is...MUAHAHAHAHA!...-cough-. God, I am so sneaky, its almost creepy.

I don't have anything particularly witty to say for a review.

...Sorry.

OH! Wait! Yes I do!

...ok, no I don't. I lied.

Just review damnit.

PWEASE? –insert obnoxiously cute puppy dog eyes here-


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